Letters to Finley: Getting to know you.

                

Our first week together has been the best week of my life. It has been so much fun getting to know you. I could stare at you all day and I can't get enough snuggle time. You are so sweet.  You love to eat.  You love to sleep and you love to be held which is fine by me because I can't seem to put you down.  I don't want to miss a minute of you. You have changed my whole world.  I sometimes have a hard time slowing down and I am guilty of living in the future and taking for granted the present, until now. Now, I just wish time would stand still so I could be here like this with you forever. 

Letters to Finley: Your happy birthday story.

Me right before we left for the hospital. 

 I am smiling, but two minutes before I was screaming, on all fours, throwing up.  

It all started on Easter Sunday, two days past your due date. I woke up early that morning feeling different.  I had been waiting for you to give me a sign that you were ready to come and was very in tune with every twinge and twitch, but when it actually started to happen I was a bit in denial.  It all started very gradually, I wasn't really in pain, just uncomfortable and super excited.  I told your dad how I was feeling and neither one of us knew what to do, so we went to Dunkin Donuts.  When we got home the it feeling was getting harder to ignore.  I packed our hospital bags and your dad watered the plants.  I started timing contractions, but they weren't regular or intense, so we waited.  I watched a movie about Marilyn Monroe and picked up the house and waited some more. I wasn't feeling great, but not that bad either.  I wanted so badly for it to be the real deal, but was trying not to get too excited.  Both your dad and I were downplaying the signs.  We were so ready to meet you but it was still very surreal. Around dinner time we decided we should probably call your grandparents just to let them know that it was starting.  A few hours later I was in pain, but still not regular close together pain, so we waited. A few hours went by and I was in major PAIN.  I made your dad call the hospital.  The nurse told us to wait as long as we could before we came in, so we waited some more.  I waited until I was in screaming out loud, on all fours, throwing up pain.  At about 11p.m. I told your dad I couldn't wait anymore.  We loaded up the car and drove the 1 mile to the hospital.  The hospital parking lot was very full and we had to park far,far away from the entrance.  I had to stop multiple times on the walk in and hold onto your dad because the pain was so bad.  I would squeeze your dad's hand during each contraction.  I was squeezing so hard that it was hurting him.  We finally made it to the entrance of the hospital and the doors were locked.  Since it was after hours we were suppose to go to the ER entrance way on the other side of the hospital (rookie mistake).  I was in too much pain to hike back to the car so your dad I had to leave me alone in the dark while he ran back.  Once we finally got into the hospital they put me in wheel chair and whisked me to labor and delivery.  Your dad had to do all the talking, I couldn't talk through the contractions, the pain was no joke.  We were put in a small room and a doctor came in a checked me.  I was told that I was dilated 4 cm and in labor and would not be leaving the hospital without a baby. Excitement mixed with unreal pain is a crazy feeling.  The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural, which I thought for a second that I did not, but then the pain came back and I gave in.  What was I trying to prove?!  Within minutes of saying yes, they were sticking a needle in my back and just like that I was numb, wonderfully numb.  We were told it would be hours and to try to get some rest. As if we could sleep!  Turns out there was no time to sleep. They monitored us for about an hour or so and then came back in to check to see what you were up to.  When they checked they discovered to everyone's surprise that you were ready to come! Your dad and I looked at each other in disbelief, this was actually about to happen, we were just a few moments away from meeting you.  We didn't talk much just looked at each other and held hands. I pushed for 28 minutes. 


And then you were here.  

When you came out they put you on my tummy and your dad cut the cord. I will never forget the first time I saw you.  You had the biggest most beautiful eyes. As they were cleaning you off I asked your dad "Do you like her?" All the doctors and nurses laughed.  Not only did we like you, we immediately loved you.  I couldn't stop the tears from coming the minute I saw you.  I have never loved anything as much as I love you.  It was instant, it was powerful, it caught me off guard. I have never felt anything like it. You were crying, I was crying and your daddy was smiling.  There are not words for those types of feelings, but it is a feeling that won't go away and has only grown stronger with every minute that I am with you.  It's more than love, it's much bigger than that.  With your first breath, you took mine away.

Finley Rose Ylisto 

Born on April 9, 2012

6lbs 12oz

19 inches long

Perfect in Every Way

Letters to Finley: I loved you before you were born.

I knew I would love you, I had no idea how much.  I loved you before you were ever here.  You were my dream, my ultimate goal, my biggest wish.  We worked really, really hard to make you real.  It was a long journey with lots and lots of scary steps.  We were always worried that we might not make it to the next "level" and our hope of you might not come true.  It was the scariest, hardest and most emotional thing I have ever had to face.  Your daddy and I gave each other strength.  There were consultations, proceduedures and big fat needles.  The odds were against us, but we were determined to do whatever it took to have you in our life.
And now your here.