Be Merry.

Unbearable.

It's just so sad.  Cold, lingering, unshakable grief weighs heavy on my heart for all the children, 20 children,  who lives were lost in such a horrific act of violence. Now that Finley is in my life, I can't help but picture myself in the parents' shoes who lost their children today. The parents who's babies didn't make it out of that school. Just the thought of it is a pain so intense, a grief so deep, a sadness so unbearable.

Letters to Finley: Kairos

Being a mom, your mom, is better than I expected. I have dreamed of what it would be like to be a mom since I was old enough to carry a doll and I carried around (dolls longer than most girls), but it is so much better than I could have ever make believed.  Today, I was carrying you around the grocery store trying to do a little speed shopping and all of sudden you just grabbed my cheeks with both of your hands and pulled my face to yours and laughed and laughed and laughed. I stopped right in the middle of the produce section and had a laugh fest with you. We must have looked pretty funny with our foreheads smooched together cracking up.

It's these moments, these simple moments that catch me off guard that I am so deeply grateful for. 

Letters to Finley: 7 months

The days are long the months are short.  You continue to bloom and grow.  This was a busy month, full of firsts.  We flew to Kentucky and Grams and Captain took you to the aquarium   You loved the penguins.You learned to clap and are pretty proud of it. You started sitting in a highchair at restaurants and you are pretty proud of that too. You love servers and get a lot of attention from the waitstaff.  You are famous at a few restaurants around town.  They whisper "she's here" when you come through the door and the whole staff swings by our table to say hello. You greet them with your grins and dimples. You're pretty easy to fall in love with and have lots of fans. You went swimming for the first time and turns out you're a fish just like your dad and I.  You splashed and kicked.  I was amazed how relaxed you were in the water.  You would put your head on my shoulder and just lie and float. Your chatter has become more pronounced.  You can say dada, mama, and baba, but not necessarily with meaning or purpose.  You like to hear yourself talk, I like to hear you talk too and we have the best nonsensical conversations. Everyday that goes by I love you more, I'm not sure how that is even possible, but it's true.

XOXO,
Momma

Letters to Finley: To the moon!!!

You love to swing. LOVE IT. It might be your favorite thing ever and watching you swing might be my favorite thing ever! Well at least my favorite thing ever right now. Your beaming face sends warm fuzzys shooting through my heart. You squeal, giggle, flap your arms (your version of clapping) and wiggle your chubby legs. I love watching you experience new things, especially things that make you crazy-squealey-happy! 

A thousand times thankful for her

For her tiny toes. Her little nose. Her chubby cheeks. Her big bright eyes. Her long eye lashes. Her laugh. Her hand wrapped around our fingers. Her endless babble and slobbery grin. Her tiny tooth. Her sweet milky breath and her baby fresh smell. Her curiousness, her stubbornness, her cheerfulness.  Her cuddles, her tears. Her ability to light up our day, everyday. We are a thousand times thankful for her.

We had a quiet Thanksgiving just the three of us.  I made french toast and bacon for breakfast and then we watched the Macy's Day parade snuggled on the couch with quilts, coffee and a ba (bottle).  We took a walk to the park so Fin could swing.  That girl loves to swing! Then I cooked a traditional Thanksgiving dinner: green bean casserole (my specialty), mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce (from the can, best kind right!?), pumpkin pie and of course turkey (pre-ordered and delivered, maybe next year I'll tackle the bird....)  It was a little strange not to be home surrounded by family, but I was proud of us for taking the time to celebrate, to start traditions, and to give thanks.

Letters to Finley: Election Day

Obama was president on the day you were born.  He was the first African American President of the United States.  He represents change, progress and a renewed sense of hope. He stands for the people and by the people, all people.  You were born on an election year. And today the country had a decision to make, the choice was to standby the message of change and hope or try something new.  Your dad and I followed the candidates very closely, there are a lot of issues, there are a lot of ideas and opinions, and it can get pretty complicated and confusing.  We listened, we learned, and we went with what we felt is best for all, not just ourselves. We stood on the side of love. We believe in acting unselfishly and helping those who need it most.  We believe in equality for all and we believe you should always “leave it better than you found it” and that is why we waited with you in the cold and rain early this morning for over an hour to support Obama.  Obama was the president when you were born and I happy to say he still is.