Six days after undergoing IVF I did what I was told not to do. I took a pregnancy test. I was advised against it because there was a chance that some of the drugs used to enhance IVF may still be lingering in my system and could cause a false positive. There was also a greater chance of a false negative due to the short duration of time since the transfer. So basically the test meant nothing, but to me it meant EVERYTHING. It was the first time even a hint of a second line had appeared. Brian didn't want me to take the test, since it would most likely not be accurate; well he told me if I took it, he didn't want to know....so I didn't tell him.
I took the test, showered for the longest three minutes of my life, took a deep breath, peeked with one eye, and saw that second line. I can't describe that feeling. Is it right!? Am I!? What if I'm not..? What if I am!? What do I do now..? I hid the test in the bathroom cabinet, got dressed, kissed Brian good morning and didn't say a word.
All day long I searched the internet for articles, statistics and information that would convince me the test was real, that Finley was real, that this was really happening. When I went home for lunch I switched from reading IVF articles to pregnancy websites.
That afternoon when I got home from work, Brian had the funniest look on his face, I am sure I did too. It’s hard for me to keep things from him, nearly impossible. He said, “So do you have something you want to tell me?” He had noticed the pregnancy website that was still open on the computer…. I said, “well”…and went and got the test. We both knew that the test meant nothing, but for that minute we let ourselves believe I was pregnant.
