I don’t what is going on, but ever since Finley was born I have had this crazy almost obsession with taking hold of my life and creating, molding, forming, squishing it into this picture I have in my head. I think it is because for me Finley represents a new beginning, it’s the beginning of my life with my own little family, a life that I have imagined for really long time and now that it’s real, it’s time to make some of those daydreams into reality.
I imagine cooking meals that guests requests and that I will teach to Finley. This means learning to cook things other than mac and cheese and chicken.
I imagine beautiful photo albums documenting our trips, travel, and daily life. This means learning photography.
I imagine teaching Finley about our values. This means doing a little soul searching to first define and understand them and then find ways to show her through actions and daily practices.
I imagine family traditions. This means planning for holidays and not blowing them off….
I imagine a house full of energy, creativity, laughter and fun. This means tackling some of the home improvement projects and decluttering. This also means that yard-sale dream needs to happen soon.
I imagine hanging out with friends on my deck, this means stepping outside of my comfort bubble and being social...
I have mastered daydreaming. I have mastered planning, it's the doing I need to work on. The doing is where the magic happens.
I imagine hanging out with friends on my deck, this means stepping outside of my comfort bubble and being social...
I have mastered daydreaming. I have mastered planning, it's the doing I need to work on. The doing is where the magic happens.
First steps, reflecting on where I’m at, figuring out where I want to be and most importantly identifying the steps needed to take to get there. The thing I have to remind myself, is none of these things are going to happen overnight and they all take hard work and dedication. Dang! I get so impatient. But, I have to commit and I have to give myself time to learn, to grow, to balance.
Maybe all mothers are this way- but every time I read what you write I nod in agreement. We are so much alike in a lot of ways. I am always wanting to learn something new and tend to get bored if I reach a certain goal (like- I've learned photography- now what? Don't get me wrong- it will always be a passion but there's nothing like those times when you are LEARNING). I sometimes find myself a little overwhelmed too because I can't "do it all" like I want. A friend of mine just bought an RV after saving up some money and her husband quit his job. They basically got rid of everything they owned (all but necessities) and are taking their two young children around the country and making memories. Yeah, eventually they will settle back down again but I can't help but envy that free spirited-ness. I would WANT to do that but I doubt I ever could. I guess my point is that I get so overwhelmed sometimes with all that I want to do that I wish I could just sit back and make memories with my kids. I am trying. But all that planning of mine and day dreaming take up SO much of my time it's almost an addiction. And really- I think it's AWESOME to want to better myself and think that we ALL should (in fact this friend still manages to do this too). But I think you've got the right perspective- give yourself time to learn grow and balance. I think I just learned a good lesson from you today!!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. This will make you laugh, do you remember what Mr. Welch used to say every day at the end of the morning announcements? I know you do. He would say, "Have a great day and learn a lot." I am sure I just rolled my eyes when I heard him say it, but it is one of the few things I actually remember from high school. It's funny cause I am always working on bettering myself, analyzing, planning, doing, etc. It's exhausting, but if I don't do these things then I feel like I am just "going through the motions." But maybe, just maybe sometimes the going through the motions of daily life is when the best, sweet. spontaneous, moments happen. You can't plan for them, they just appear and when they do they are the biggest reminder to me that there is a whole lot of magic in plan old ordinary days, I just have to be more aware of the present and stop living in my "plans". I know you have a lot of those moments each day because you capture them so beautifully in your pictures. Yeah, traveling across the country in an RV sounds all kinds of dreamy and if you really wanted to do that, I'm sure you could, it's just do you want to bad enough to make it happen? If you do go road trippin' I hope you stop off in Savannah.:)
ReplyDeletep.s. do you think ours husbands analyze every moment, past and present like we do? I think not. That's probably why I am bloggin' and my hubby is sleeping soundly next to me. lol.
Yes yes yes. I do remember ha ha! Good memories. I think with babies it's hardER to create those magical moments. They are mostly for the parents. For OUR memories. We want those good memories of being a good mom. At least that's how it was for me. And yes- I always took pictures too because even though they probably wouldn't REMEMBER, they'd see the pictures and know I tried hard to give them a memorable and fun childhood. Now that my kids are older, they remember things. But it's funny- the things they love the most are the moments that are usually spontaneous or even simple. They catch me off guard sometimes. My dad never took us to places like Disneyland and such on family vacations. We would always take long road trips to these quirky places and historical sites. Even as young children in Japan he would do that and they are some of my best memories. I think mostly kids want to know that you dedicated time with them- planned or unplanned. And we are good moms because we work hard to provide those memories for our kids (and us!)- even the planned ones!! Fin really is lucky to have you as a mommy!!
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